I have been very fortunate to have loved and been loved by some pretty amazing men in my life. From my first "real" boyfriend, Steve, in high school (though I could go all the way back to the first boy who was smart enough to buy me jewelry - Scott Berry, 5th grade) to my first and last husband, Michael, to the most recent of my beaus (he knows who he is). They are all men that I still love -- I dont still SPEAK to all of them, but for me, I guess once I love you -- you are stuck with me.
I am, however, currently in between amazing men. (Not as in a fun sandwich kind of way...just currently unattached... it's just a dry spell!) I have been divorced for over 4 years now (M has a great girlfriend now and may end up moving to PARIS!) and split from my last "serious" boyfriend, D, almost 2 years ago (he is getting married soon -- third times a charm, my friend! I wish you the best). I have fallen in love since then but had the misfortune of picking a soul more restless than myself who can not give me his heart - no matter how often I ask him and no matter what lingerie I am wearing at the time.
In my current solitude, I find myself reflecting on lost loves - and the same face keeps coming back to me. More than a lost love. A lost life full of coulda shoulda wouldas. A series of bad timing wrapped in difficult choices. We have never fully disconnected. That was never an option. The timing is still bad. The yearning was/is physical...emotional...spiritual...and, in the end, still swirling in inaccessability. We have become good at being tragic but I would hate to think we are defined by that. I once held out my hand and he gave me his heart. I should have held on to it better. My carelessness was unforgivable and yet he forgave me. I cannot think of him as a "lost love"....he has simply been misplaced for such a very long time.
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