I knew it...my friend Rach knew it...and the relationship girl in me knew it... and the single chick in me wasn't paying attention because the new relationship sex was pretty good. He seemed so perfect for me but, somehow (and I dont know how I continue to pick 'em) it turns out that he is emotionally unavailable ...."still not over HER".... and he tells me this.....(wait for it)....by text message! Red light. All stop.
Two or three days go by. He is history and I am up at bat again on Match.com. Hey batter, batter, swing! And its a pop-fly right to an interesting and cute wine guy. There it is again...my eternal optimism. And then there it is again...his number on my caller ID.... "Its definitely over with HER".... green light. Go! I hear a voice inside my head (which was actually Rach who is a cop, btw, and so she knows these things) and she calls the light a flashing yellow at best...proceed with caution. Relationship girl reminds him that he is an idiot but she forgives him. Single chick gets excited about the possibility of make-up sex. Green. Green. Go!
UNTIL... uh-huh... I kid you not.... THE NEXT DAY....another text message..."not fair to you if I'm thinking of HER, blah blah blah". Red light. Red light and cross bars at an endless railroad crossing. ALL FREEKIN' STOP! Relationship girl declares herself an idiot, single girl is still enjoying the last puff on a post-coital cigarette (she knows they are bad for her but so was this boy and that didn't stop her) and Rachael is on her way over to take me out for cocktails.
So now I sit...idling at the light...looking both ways...wondering which direction that nice wine guy went....
Showing posts with label new relationship sex. Show all posts
Showing posts with label new relationship sex. Show all posts
Friday, May 11, 2007
Tuesday, May 1, 2007
Match Point
I am definitely a relationship girl cruelly trapped in the body of an eternally single chick. I have been sans serious boy in my life now for...um...(trying to remember just who might read this and have their feelings hurt)...well over a year. I have lovingly referred to this as a "dry spell" which is merely code for "why is everyone I meet a freak?"
Ever the optimist, I popped back onto Match.com recently for another 3-day free trial. (I said I was an optimist not a moron - I dont wanna have to pay for anything unless I see something worth paying for....im more just a browser at this point...a window shopper if you will). The thing about going through this process (again) is the vunerability of putting yourself out there. Waiting to be judged. Making sure that your pictures make you look like you have friends, a winning smile, and a cute wardrobe. Making sure not all of them were taken in a bar or at a party. Finding one with a picture of your dog...or a friends dog...or just a dog you downloaded a picture of from the internet. You create witty things to say about yourself and try to avoid any sort of real commitmment to walking on beaches or thunderstorms. (Note: most people are for them...hardly anyone is against them.)And then you wait for the emails from the guys who dont read a word of what you have written but merely think your pictures are exactly what they are looking for in a "soulmate": a girl...female...chick....being with bosoms.
If you have ever dabbled on Match.com, you know that you can also see who looked at your profile...and then didnt send you a wink, or an email or any sort of response at all. They didnt quite like what they saw. Sometimes I'm grateful. The NASCAR-loving fisherman who loves camping is probably not a good match anyway. And the Biblethumping non drinkers are gonna have a hard time fitting into my social circles so I get it. I try not to take it personally but sometimes I cant help myself. This time I noticed a cute boy that had not sent me so much as a wink. I read his profile. He's PERFECT for me! So it must be me...there is something wrong with me...Im fat or old or a paranoid schizo (hey I have proof!). ....so....that relationship girl inside me slips the single chick in me a $20 (she's single AND cheap apparently) and they send him an email behind my back! The three of us wait for a response...ball in his court. And it was a volley...back to me (us?). We email, we phone, we meet. Hes funny, sarcastic and actually looks better in real life than in his pictures. He seems honest and sincere and both the single chick and the relationship girl have their fingers crossed for me with this one. I just keep hoping that the fantastic "new relationship sex" that the single chick is getting doesnt run out before the relationship girl finds out he's a freak.
Ever the optimist, I popped back onto Match.com recently for another 3-day free trial. (I said I was an optimist not a moron - I dont wanna have to pay for anything unless I see something worth paying for....im more just a browser at this point...a window shopper if you will). The thing about going through this process (again) is the vunerability of putting yourself out there. Waiting to be judged. Making sure that your pictures make you look like you have friends, a winning smile, and a cute wardrobe. Making sure not all of them were taken in a bar or at a party. Finding one with a picture of your dog...or a friends dog...or just a dog you downloaded a picture of from the internet. You create witty things to say about yourself and try to avoid any sort of real commitmment to walking on beaches or thunderstorms. (Note: most people are for them...hardly anyone is against them.)And then you wait for the emails from the guys who dont read a word of what you have written but merely think your pictures are exactly what they are looking for in a "soulmate": a girl...female...chick....being with bosoms.
If you have ever dabbled on Match.com, you know that you can also see who looked at your profile...and then didnt send you a wink, or an email or any sort of response at all. They didnt quite like what they saw. Sometimes I'm grateful. The NASCAR-loving fisherman who loves camping is probably not a good match anyway. And the Biblethumping non drinkers are gonna have a hard time fitting into my social circles so I get it. I try not to take it personally but sometimes I cant help myself. This time I noticed a cute boy that had not sent me so much as a wink. I read his profile. He's PERFECT for me! So it must be me...there is something wrong with me...Im fat or old or a paranoid schizo (hey I have proof!). ....so....that relationship girl inside me slips the single chick in me a $20 (she's single AND cheap apparently) and they send him an email behind my back! The three of us wait for a response...ball in his court. And it was a volley...back to me (us?). We email, we phone, we meet. Hes funny, sarcastic and actually looks better in real life than in his pictures. He seems honest and sincere and both the single chick and the relationship girl have their fingers crossed for me with this one. I just keep hoping that the fantastic "new relationship sex" that the single chick is getting doesnt run out before the relationship girl finds out he's a freak.
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