9 things you can do with a metal hanger

OK. I've been busy. I know I have not been here for y'all and I apologize. I understand my role is to entertain you. I have been remiss.
Now... having said that.... I got an email from Diane (aka the Kamikaze Killer) saying "I'd like to hear about wire hangers. I hate those things! They are the worst possible invention, don't you think?"

Well, heck no, D! They are a marvel of modern industry! Perhaps you are unaware of athe many uses of the wire hanger...


ONE: Of course, everyone knows that the most common use of the wire hanger is breaking into old cars. Not new cars mind you, just old cars... with mushroom shaped old door locks... and crank handle windows. The pre-slim jim answer to difficult auto entry.
Pure genius!

TWO: And speaking of old cars...what if you don't have a matchbook to jimmy under the 8-track tape in the player.. why sit in silence when you can use a good old-fashioned wire coat hanger as an antenna and at least get shitty am stations?
Brillant!

THREE: De-gunking the lint trap in your dryer. Apparently if you don't empty that often, it could start a fire and burn down your house while you are out! (Sorry, Jules... but it's a bizarre little phobia to have... which FYI, I couldn't find on the Phobia List anywhere... tho I DID find "Dipsophobia" which is a fear of drinking from which, luckily, none of us suffer.... but I digress...)
Safety!

FOUR: You can organize all your silk ties and scarves and... um... no... I am not gonna explain why I have a collection of silk ties to you people... you don't really want me to say it out loud anyway.
Kinky!

FIVE: Three little words: no cable channels.
Cheap!

SIX: Unless you have very skinny, long arms, you need a wire hanger for getting the dog bone that's somehow way under the couch... AGAIN... and is apparently SOOO much better than any of the other 9 dog bones which are located in the middle of the living room.
Convenient!

SEVEN: It will surprise no one that my favourite use for the wire hanger is the ever popular bubble wand! Step 1: Bend hanger into a heart-shape. (Don't ask me why... just follow directions!) Step 2: I have a heart-shaped cake pan (no... I don't bake... I bought to make a romantic meatloaf dinner in another life-time). Fill pan with water and dish detergent. Step 3: Release your inner child!
Fun!

EIGHT: You know that spot... yep... that one... right there between my shoulder blades... that itchy little spot where a lonely single girl (who no longer has a Hockey Boy around all the time) can't reach? Where's that danged wire hanger/back scratcher? OOOOOh yeah... that's better!
Satisfying!

NINE: Drying octopus in Indonesia. Yeah, okay, Sherlock... I had to cheat to come up with the last one.... like I have ever dried an octopus.... sheesh!
Um... ooky!

So you see, Diane, if it is mindless entertainment you seek... and I continue to let you down, you can always Google "coat hanger uses" and be amazed at the sheer ingenuity of the wire hanger!

Now the plastic spork.. that's my vote for worst possible invention...

A joke from Rach

A Man goes to dentist to have his tooth pulled.
The dentist takes out a needle to give the man a shot of Novocain.

"No way, no needles, I can't stand needles."

The dentist starts to hook up the laughing gas but the man again objects.

"No gas, please the mask on my face is
suffocating to me."

The dentist then asks if the man has any objection to taking a pill.

"No" said the patient "I'm fine with pills."

The dentist then returns and says "Here's a Viagra tablet."

The patient says "Wow, I didn't know Viagra worked as a pain pill."

"It doesn't" said the dentist "but it will give you something to hold on to when I pull out your tooth."

Thanks, Rach! LOL...and yes I realize that the only other joke I have passed on in my blog was also penis-related... I'm sure that says something about me or my sense of humour....

I've Got Mail

Okay... so here's the bad news....there seems to be a problem with my Pay Pal account and I need to spend some time sending out personal bank info to get it all straightened out. Of course, I am shocked by this turn of events as I gave up my Pay Pal account when I completed the 12 step program to beat my eBay addiction. The email goes on to say: "If you choose to ignore our request, you leave us no choice but to temporaly suspend your account." Can they do that?! Temporaly? I had no idea!

But, hey, it wasn't all bad....The good news is that apparently I have won some international lottery and will soon be rolling in 1 million euros! Thanks to the whole Pay Pal debacle, I will have already come up with the personal bank info that they need in order to put that moolah in my account. And.... then I can use all my new money on that good deal I just got offered on Viagra to make my penis hard all night...