The girl in my shower last night....

OK... before you think this is going to become one of those smutty blog sites that I always threaten (promise?) to do... the girl in my shower wasn't really there. I mean she was there but she wasn't really a girl. Technically. Though she had a girlish quality. And while I think Krista, as the only cosmically, hip artsy fartsy girl I know, is the only one who will understand what this all means.... here is the story for the masses.

I was washing off a bad day... OK, bad week.... and in my haste to jump in the shower, had skipped the mandatory brushing out the snarls of my faux blondilocks. So as I am shampooing, I run my fingers through the snarls and end up removing a huge chunk o hair. (And no.. I am not sick and keeping that from you guys... this is normal for me). What to do..... what to do....? I didn't want all that hair to go down the drain so I -- and this is an odd confession I suppose-- stuck it to the shower door so that I could finish my shower and dispose of the dreaded locks upon my departure. (Note to self: research viability of marketing shower waste cans.) Now remember-- I have shampoo in my hair so I am closing my eyes and rinsing and whatnot and so I didn't notice her right away. About the time I get to the conditioner stage -- the point where you just stand there and count "one one thousand, two one thousand..." and let the slimey stuff do its thing and enjoy steamy water jetting onto your shoulders and slump against the cold tile -- I saw her! Her back to me. Looking over her shoulder. I grabbed my cellie and took a couple of pictures.

Look. Closer. Squint a little if you have to. Click on the pic to enlarge. You see her now? I didn't touch her up or move a hair(pun intended)! She was just there. And truth be told - I was so amazed at seeing her that I didn't - couldn't - throw her away until she dried and fell from the door.

And so now I want to draw. Or paint. Or do something creative. I mean there was a girl in the shower... a muse perhaps... that's a sign.... right? I am suppose to wash away the boringness of my mundane existence and allow the muse to inspire me. And so that is my goal now. Look for inspiration in everything including clumps o hair and be the artist that I know that I am. Everyday.

Oh and by the way, thanks for not asking why i had my cellphone in the shower with me....

OK... Im back.... Nine new things...

A general announcement to the people who care about me... I have finally started rehab and I think its a positive thing in my life. I am finally ready to admit I have a problem and cut back on my addiction and hopefully it will lead to me being productive again and get me back to the important things like this blog. And to the people who made it so easy for me to be easy distracted and allowed me to lose myself to this hideous addiction I can only say... shame on you!

In fairness, and in my defense, I didn't see it coming. It snuck up on me. Silent. Stealthy. And consumed me to the point of sleeplessness! Anyone who has faced this situation knows what I am talking about. I have sought out professional help prior to now but perhaps until now I didnt really WANT help.... I mean it always made me feel good and who was I really hurting? But today... today.... I have finally walked out of the fog and made a decision... I will no longer be a slave to MySpace!

And so I pledge the following Nine Things:

1. I will limit myself to updating photos once a week.... unless I catch Marley in some ubercute puppy pose which, of course, everyone needs to see right away!

2. I will check my messages only once or twice a day instead of every hour... on the hour.... for 45 minutes at a time.

3. I will NOT respond to EVERY survey that I get unless its REALLY important stuff like "who was your last text message from" or "what's your favourite colour".

4. I will stop logging on to see if any one who works for me is also logged on while they are suppose to be working.

5. I will stop looking for just the right smiley icon to indicate my mood -- besides they dont have enough choices anyway... like where are "quirky", "underwhelmed", "perky" and "oddly superior"??

6. I will stop searching for the right pimped out, glittery backgrounds to define who I am... obviously a quirky, perky underwhelmed yet oddly superior goddess. There just isn't enough glitter out there.

7. I will stop sending "comments" to people who are actually in the next room (Krista), people that I text message all day (Rach) or people that I would love to hear on the phone (Jules).

8. I will stop replying to "friend requests" that are from people in Bumpkiss, NV who just want to share a secret way to make me rich. I think it's possible that they don't really have my best interests in mind.

9. And I will stop stressing over who's feelings will be hurt if they are not in my Top 10 Friends list.... and I will stop wondering why I am not in their Top 10 Friends list either even though I am certain that I am a much better friend then the 10 people already listed there.

And so there it is... my plan to regain snippets of my life and get back to blogging!! Hmmm.... of course.... I just realized... I will have to go on MySpace and post a bulletin to let all my friends know that I am blogging again... and I might as well check my comments while I am there....and post that last picture I found of us dressed like pirates... and it would be kind of impolite not to answer Misty's survey....

Damn you, MyCrackSpace!!

Well this doesn't bode well, does it? I mean.. here it is, my first blog of the critically acclaimed 2008 Do-Over Blog and already it's a day late! I've been trying to remember what I did yesterday that was more important than blogging...and, quite frankly, I am stumped. I was on time for the telemarketing job at 9am. I sat in a semi-comatose state until the 5 o'clock whistle. Came home... um... ate dinner... watched a movie... washed the dog... and then sat in front of my computer "talking" with Rach until I went to bed at 2:30am.

Nope. Nothing I did yesterday was more important than my first do-over blog. And yet... I didn't blog. I made some money, entertained myself and made the dog smell good. Necessary things all (especially making the dog smell better) but not more important than entertaining the 3 of you who still read my blog...and so i will endevour to do-over my do-over tomorrow... as soon as I figure something to talk about...

So keep a good thought for me, will you? Blog clog is a serious matter and not to be taken lightly....

When Lorrie Veasey talked me into doing this "blog" thing, I had visions of being so prolific that people would come from Farandnear and Nearandfar to read my witty little musings. I also had visions of finding the time to write said witty little musings and while I gave it a decent shot at first, I have come to the current realization....that I suck at this!

Ok... ok... I dont want to be too harsh on myself but... c'mon... the last entry was over FOUR months ago (give or take... I'm not too good at math) and even then it was an edited piece that I wrote over TWELVE months ago!

But now its 2008... and I am filled with renewed optimism and enthusiasism (and 2 glazed donuts but that another story). Therefore, I have a request of the 3 people who still occasionally drop me an email to see if I have fallen off the edge of the earth.... can I have a do-over?

I'll start tomorrow.... honest.....

October is Adopt-aShelter Dog Month

This is a re-edited, updated version of the post I wrote when I first got Marley, my shelter dog, back in Dec 2006. I just wanted to remind everyone that sometimes the best, most grateful, loving creatures are just waiting for you to find them...

I had lost my AKC Rottweiler, Brita, last October and was finally ready to get another dog. My daughter, Nikki, was home from college for the Christmas break so we had decided to see a breeder about getting a rott pup. I had the names and addresses of 3 breeders in my pocket, as a matter of fact, when I picked Nik up from an appointment near the Peninsula SPCA. We had some time before we had to be anywhere so we decided to stop and get some dog treats to feed the pound pups. Armed with cookies and chewies, we went from cage to cage, ignored signs (surely they weren't directed at US?) and stuck our hands through the bars and petted and fed the pups. We talked about how much fun it was going to be to pick out our own pup the next day.

..And then we saw HIM. He was laying with his back to the front of the cage & didn't look up to see us. I poked him. He was a beautiful colour. He didn't care that I poked him, so, of course, I poked him again. My daughter pointed out that his papers said he was a rott mix. Mixed with what? Something brown?

Nik said something to him and he turned his head to look at her. "Oh mom! Look how handsome he is!" Apparently he thought she was pretty too because he finally got up and paid attention to us. He was skinny and his ribs showed. His coat was dull but his eyes were full of hope and trust. He licked Nik's hand and then looked at me. I melted. Surely someone could not have dropped him off at a grocery store like his paperwork said? And certainly someone would be along soon to adopt him. I was just there to spread a little holiday cheer and doggie treats. I was getting a new puppy...not a used puppy. But he just kept looking at me...and somehow I knew that if I rescued this dog...he would rescue me right back.

I never did make it to see any of the breeders. On his adoption day, I was the only name on the list. I have no idea how that was even possible unless he wore his invisibility cloak when I wasn't there. I had the wrong paperwork that day, of course, and so the process took HOURS! Patience is a virtue...just not one of mine. All of this...for a dog no one wanted? I bit my tongue. I filled out new forms. I waited quasi-patiently.

Marley (named after Jacob not Bob) has been home now for 10 months. He weighed 35lbs when we got him -- he weighs about 75lbs now. He will sit. He will stay. He is fearless. He still will not come when he is called though he loves to hear his name. He is the fastest dog I have ever seen and cannot be caught with out a decent bribe. He is an explorer. This summer he discovered the ocean and defended the planet from dry seaweed. A few months ago he ate a book on the coffee table and the day before that he unwrapped a paint roller that I had on the counter and got white paint all over his paws and all over my hardwood floors. His latest reign of terror is to de-stuff throw pillows which he does when ever he sees me leave with my suitcase. He is a handful...and a heartful.

I should remind you that I am single, work 2 jobs to make ends meet and live in a small apartment. Marley doesn't seem to mind. It is larger than the cage I found him in. I have to get up a little earlier everyday for a long walk before work, and I try to take him for car rides when I can squeeze them in during the day. When I have to work longer days, I have friends drop by to let him out and toss him a treat. I'm tired when I finally get home but its now HIS/OUR time and we take a walk again. It is more than my RESPONSIBILITY, it is my PRIVILEGE.

In the grand scheme of things, not much beats that dog asleep on my feet at the end of the day. Adopt a shelter dog... it doesn't just change THEIR lives...it will change YOUR life...

More shameless self promotion....

Its just a start but here is the official, much-anticipated In Pieces Mosaic website! (OK so maybe I was the only one who was "much anticipating"....)

Take a look and let me know what you think (remembering of course that I have the fragile ego like most sensitive artists). I am still adding more photos and trying to track people down for testimonials (treading on dangerous ground there.) Before you Hamptonians ask... yes, the pictures of "the Duck" will be up soon!


Update 9/14: The Duck pics, as well as others, are up!

9 things you can do with a metal hanger

OK. I've been busy. I know I have not been here for y'all and I apologize. I understand my role is to entertain you. I have been remiss.
Now... having said that.... I got an email from Diane (aka the Kamikaze Killer) saying "I'd like to hear about wire hangers. I hate those things! They are the worst possible invention, don't you think?"

Well, heck no, D! They are a marvel of modern industry! Perhaps you are unaware of athe many uses of the wire hanger...


ONE: Of course, everyone knows that the most common use of the wire hanger is breaking into old cars. Not new cars mind you, just old cars... with mushroom shaped old door locks... and crank handle windows. The pre-slim jim answer to difficult auto entry.
Pure genius!

TWO: And speaking of old cars...what if you don't have a matchbook to jimmy under the 8-track tape in the player.. why sit in silence when you can use a good old-fashioned wire coat hanger as an antenna and at least get shitty am stations?
Brillant!

THREE: De-gunking the lint trap in your dryer. Apparently if you don't empty that often, it could start a fire and burn down your house while you are out! (Sorry, Jules... but it's a bizarre little phobia to have... which FYI, I couldn't find on the Phobia List anywhere... tho I DID find "Dipsophobia" which is a fear of drinking from which, luckily, none of us suffer.... but I digress...)
Safety!

FOUR: You can organize all your silk ties and scarves and... um... no... I am not gonna explain why I have a collection of silk ties to you people... you don't really want me to say it out loud anyway.
Kinky!

FIVE: Three little words: no cable channels.
Cheap!

SIX: Unless you have very skinny, long arms, you need a wire hanger for getting the dog bone that's somehow way under the couch... AGAIN... and is apparently SOOO much better than any of the other 9 dog bones which are located in the middle of the living room.
Convenient!

SEVEN: It will surprise no one that my favourite use for the wire hanger is the ever popular bubble wand! Step 1: Bend hanger into a heart-shape. (Don't ask me why... just follow directions!) Step 2: I have a heart-shaped cake pan (no... I don't bake... I bought to make a romantic meatloaf dinner in another life-time). Fill pan with water and dish detergent. Step 3: Release your inner child!
Fun!

EIGHT: You know that spot... yep... that one... right there between my shoulder blades... that itchy little spot where a lonely single girl (who no longer has a Hockey Boy around all the time) can't reach? Where's that danged wire hanger/back scratcher? OOOOOh yeah... that's better!
Satisfying!

NINE: Drying octopus in Indonesia. Yeah, okay, Sherlock... I had to cheat to come up with the last one.... like I have ever dried an octopus.... sheesh!
Um... ooky!

So you see, Diane, if it is mindless entertainment you seek... and I continue to let you down, you can always Google "coat hanger uses" and be amazed at the sheer ingenuity of the wire hanger!

Now the plastic spork.. that's my vote for worst possible invention...