Afraid

I am not afraid of anything...except really, really big bugs, falling off a bridge, sharp knives and, now apparently, young thugs with guns. The fact that I was able to add this last fear to my list means that my weekend went oddly awry on Saturday. It means that instead of posting a blog about how amazing my dad is for Father's Day, I got to spend time at the police station trying to find the face of the nervous punk who challenged my faith in the goodness of all people.

I should have...I could have...what? Walked home a different way? Left earlier? Later? Been more aware? Yeah sure...any of those would have put us in a different space at a different time... but so what? Everyone assures me that it could have happened anywhere...at anytime... and I think that is what scares me most.

My personal motto is that it is not the situations that you face that define you. It is how you deal with the situations that define who you are. Hockey Boy was brave at the time and has handled everything since with equal bravery. I tried to be brave as well but was not successful. I apparently am not built that way. So now I am trying to not let it define me. I do not want to be afraid to walk in my neighborhood. I do not want to be afraid of every young black kid I see on the sidewalk. I do not want to believe that there is no goodness in people.

I was shaken up but I was not hurt. This is my focus. It could have been a whole lot worse. The officer who accidentally drove up in the middle of this drama and chased the kid...was that just us being lucky... or someone up there still believing in me even though I stopped believing years ago? How many signs do I need?

I will endeavor to be more aware...looking out for thugs with guns...and for really, really big bugs with knives trying to force me off a bridge.